drug use down ... yeah, right
the Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse is scheduled to release this week their annual telephone survey of 1,000 random teenagers on the topic of drug use. here's the article on cbsnews.com. according to the survey, even though marijuana is easier to obtain than either beer or cigarettes [27 percent said they could acquire it within an hour], 75 percent of students said they've never smoked "the weed". also, more than half of the teenagers polled said they don't drink alcohol in a typical week, and about as many said they've never had a drink. b-u-l-l-s-h-i-t. i'd like to know where these kids live. i'm thinking not america. definitely not any rural town in california [yes, there are rural towns in california]. i don't need to go on a "when i was in school" rant, but somebody's wenus report is obviously out of whack. most of the kids that answered the phone were probably so paranoid they thought it was a trick. mary jane does that, ya know. in fact, 25 percent of them were probably either stoned or drunk while answering the questions.
stoner #1: [answering phone] uh ... hello?
drug use surveyor: yes, hello. i'm with such-and-such university. we're doing a survey on the topic of teen drug use.
stoner #1: [covering phone with hand] shit, dude! some guy wants to ask us questions about drugs!
stoner #2: fuck, dude! it's probably the cops.
stoner #3: fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck.
stoner #1: relax, i'll handle it. [talking back into the phone now] uh ... we don't have any drugs here.
surveyor: i'm sure you don't. i would just like to ask you a few questions if that's alright.
stoner #2: what's he sayin, man?
stoner #1: ... uh ... that's cool.
surveyor: ok. are you between the ages of 12 and 17?
stoner #1: yeah.
stoner #2: dude! what's he sayin?
stoner #3: fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck.
surveyor: and have you ever smoked marijuana?
stoner #1: [covering phone] dude, he's asking me if i'm smoking marijuana.
stoner #2: tell him it's incense, dude.
stoner #1: [into the phone] it's incense, man.
surveyor: what?
stoner #1: [covering phone] he's not buying it.
stoner #3: ohhhh ... i'm freakin out, man!
stoner #2: ... ok, gimme the phone.
[stoner #1 hands stoner #2 the phone.]
stoner #2: [in pseudo-deep voice] ... hello ... who is this?
stoner #1: [giggles]
stoner #3: did you guys hear that?
surveyor: hello, sir. i'm with ...
stoner #2: i don't care who you're with! we don't have any pot here so stop calling.
[stoner #1 gives a thumbs-up and nods heads excitedly.]
surveyor: ok, sir. thank you for your time.
stoner #2: you're welcome.
[stoner #2 hangs up the phone.]
stoner #1: dude! you totally got him!
stoner #2: yeah ... that was cool. Matt @ 10:21 AM