the power of one
in a show of support of all the hype about california's "energy crisis" a while back, the company issued campus-wide directives regarding power usage, and even had a few days in july [always on weekends] where the entire campus was powered down.

an interesting corporate role usually arises from the rubble of hype such as this; that is the role of "energy metermaid". this is not a paid position, nor does it hold a place on the org chart, nor is it actually even assigned, yet it exists nonetheless. in short, the job of an energy metermaid [emm] is to authoritatively march throughout the aisles of other divisions uninvited, and turn off, shut down, or unplug anything currently using electricity, regardless of why it may be on. most often, this job duty is carried out early in the morning [before other employees arrive] or late in the afternoon [after most have gone home]. this is possibly to assist in off-peak hours, but more likely to avoid any unnecessary interaction with other human beings.

you may wonder what type of person would fill such an illustrious occpation. you're in luck. i present to you ... mr. happypants. if you work with me and are reading this, then you know [or can guess] the true identity of mr. happypants. for the rest of you, he is a red-headed and balding, late-40s, free-food scavenging, debutant asshole who speedwalks from aisle to aisle as if being continuously yanked onward by his ... special parts. i have yet to come up a valid reason for his existence, much less his employment.

so anyway, today, asimov and i watch as mr. happypants, the emm, saunters on into the cube of my account manager who wasn't there. "what the hell is he doing?" i ask asimov who has a slightly better vantage point. "looks like he's getting on her computer ... what the fuck ... he's shutting it down." sure enough, it's now turned off, and back down the aisle he skips [late for some gerbil-buying errand, no doubt]. a few minutes later, i turn to hear my name called by a team manager now standing in the account manager's cube, "did you turn off this computer?" i respond, "no, [mr. happypants real name] did. i watched him do it." asimov concurs. being the shitstarter that i am, i attempt to stir the pot. "why don't you go say something to him?" as i would've guessed, the team manager smirked sheepishly and turned to boot the computer. too bad. i bet happypants is a pretty fierce eye-scratcher. Matt @ 7:14 PM